Classically, I was in my room when I heard of the death of Rory Langely. I was not very close to her, but I felt for her deeply. I felt almost dead to the world now, as I had limited human interactions to the bare minimum. I spent most of my time in my room, reading. These stories that I found on paper did far less damage to a soul than the unpredictable nature of the real world. I loved the comforts that fiction afforded me. As I pored over the dystopian literature of the 20th Century, I felt that even these environments may be favorable to the present world. It seems anyway that our society has taken on some of these dystopian aspects- such as a conforming and non-questioning population and inexplicable bouts of severe weather among other phenomena.
At least, I thought, she had been buried in the waters of the Rainbow River. It is the only part of this town that is vibrant with color; the rest of town is a husk of something that was. Hopefully the death of Rory will galvanize this town's people to do something inspirational. I should definitely get off my ass and so something for the greater good instead of fascinating over love and literature.
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
I'm glad that our town is rebounding so fast from the horrific storm that rocked the city yesterday. The only way I knew about this gathering was because my daily walk took me past it; word doesn't pass around much here. I took a seat on the outskirts of the festival, just close enough to make out the movie screen but far enough away from the noise of the rides. I have the feeling that this is the first time that our town has organized any public event, but I am pleased with the outcome. I am attracted to the scent of the baked goods that blows toward me, so I get up. I catch a glimpse of Autumn Moore, and I open my mouth to say hello when I see a guy sitting right next to her. I feel betrayed. I thought maybe we had something? But I guess she wasn't set on reciprocating my feelings. I buy a brownie and head back to my seat, perturbed as ever.
I had never felt the way I felt about her with any other person. Autumn was a light that illuminated my otherwise dark and dull life. But that light was only shining for a brief moment. My world of darkness resumed, and I could do nothing to stop it. I think now that I probably shouldn't have gotten into this love mess in the first place. Love was too hard. I pondered all of this while watching the trials and tribulations of life underwater play out in front of me.
Although everyone around me most likely began to feel closer to each other, I drifted inward. I concluded convincingly that I didn't need the adulation, or even acknowledgment of others to maintain my sense of self-worth. I wanted to shrivel up and live a life where no human interaction was necessary. Once I finished my brownie, I left without much regret.
I happened upon a pew in a quite unexpected place. Only after I left did I realize it was the remnants
of St. Cecilia's. I'm sitting here on this pew until I figure out which direction my life should go next.